You want to complain and not to solve your problems, because it’s easier to suffer than to live happily ever after. Here are some directions on how to be happy every day.
Russia’s most famous psychologist Mikhail Labkovski has discovered how to be happy. He has listed ten tips that will help each person to be truly fulfilled.
He advises you to focus on what is primordial in you.
Don’t be afraid of luck
Most people have grown up in families that don’t enjoy life and where members are not accustomed to saying that they are well and happy.
Parents’ inability to rejoice and laugh is passed on to children, who are beginning to think this is how this world works. Another mistake is to think that for all the good that happens to you, you have to pay later. We are afraid to feel pleasure in life and we associate it with something corrupt.
What do you want when you complain to someone about your problems? You want to complain, not to solve problems. It is easier to suffer than to live happily ever after. A healthy person will either accept the situation as it is or try to change the situation. A neurotic person will do neither. This also applies to physical illness – while a mentally healthy person is being treated for the illness, the neurotic person will want to be ill, because this way they will have reason to complain. It’s almost a hobby – invent a problem and suffer from it.
Distinguish real problems from imaginary ones
The difference between a healthy and a neurotic person is that the first person cares about real problems, while the second suffers from nonexistent ones.
Don’t try to help everyone around you
The desire to help everyone around is caused by the fear that they cannot love you for who you are, so through helping others you try to raise your confidence. Therefore, if they haven’t asked you to help, do not bother these people, but reach out to those who actually need your help.
Do not answer unless asked
When you answer unasked questions in words or actions, you show your anxiety. Once I was passing with my girlfriend by the store, she saw a dress and she told me, “What a beautiful dress!” When I didn’t answer anything, she told me, “I knew you aren’t a man!” I would have bought her a dress if she asked, but if you in such a situation immediately go to pay at the cashier, then you are an insecure person.
Distinguish love from addiction
People will never leave what they love. For example, smoking. I have been smoking for 37 years and for the last 10 years, I have smoked 3 boxes a day. I stopped smoking once when my doctor told me I was done for. And it lasted 1 hour and 40 minutes. I quit smoking only when I told myself I didn’t like cigarettes, not that I was addicted to them. Neurotic people cannot differentiate between love and addiction.
Routine is not always bad
I have been practicing routine (reading and teaching) for the last 37 years and I feel wonderful. Neurotic people cannot live in peace, they are afraid that they will not be able to do everything, they graduate from five colleges, they are always upset, they feel uneasy if they do nothing.
Change yourself, not others
And this applies first of all to raising children. You can’t force them to do something unless you do it yourself. Children adopt not what you tell them, but what you do yourself and how you treat others. In this case, the flight attendant’s advice is very useful: first put the air mask on yourself, and then on the child.
Don’t feel bad about someone else’s criticism
Recall the situation: you are sitting on the bus, an old grandmother enters. The whole bus is looking at you angrily and you are getting out of your seat as quickly as possible. Why do you do it when that grandmother didn’t even ask you to do it? The reason lies in the low confidence and fear of being judged. Experiment – try to stay put, if you don’t want to get up, no matter what the people around you say, don’t react at all. Over time, you will see that someone else’s judging can be ignored.
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Just do what you want
A classic example of this is when you play with your children because you “need to” because you are a good person, and that means – you have to play with your children. Stop doing this. Play with them only when you want to play, because they too will feel that you are doing it out of a sense of duty, not interest. And the sense of duty is not love. Take care of the kids when you want and how much you want because you definitely have lots of other responsibilities.