After several years of marriage, it is perfectly normal for the relationship between the spouses to change, which doesn’t always necessarily mean that it is a bad thing.
Laura Birks, a mom of two small children, has decided to write a heartfelt letter to her husband and all other mothers can relate to it.
Sorry, you have been neglected for the past five years. I’m sorry because your needs are not in the first place. I assure you, you are still among my top priorities, you just are no longer at the top of the list. I know you have needs, dreams, and desires. When I say I want to be someone you can always rely on, I really mean it. I know that you are tired of my excuses that I am exhausted, that my head is aching all the time and that I fall asleep as soon as you lie down beside me. Believe me, I wish I had the energy like five years ago. Hell, at least I wish I had the energy like two weeks ago when I washed and ironed 10 baskets of dirty laundry.
I know sometimes we seem to be more in a business relationship than in a marriage. And you’re right. Some days, sometimes even weeks, I feel the same way. But know that I wish the best for our marriage because we are so damn good together. The problem is that my life, my brain, and my body are completely dedicated to these little boys who look abnormally like you. Even when we fall asleep and we are left alone, my brain is still in maternal mode.
I’m thinking about tomorrow, I’m thinking about the next 10 years, I’m thinking if you have clean clothes for tomorrow for work. Thinking about money, groceries … Do we have enough milk? I can’t stop being a mom for a second. And it drains me physically, mentally and emotionally.
I don’t want you to think that you are no longer as important to me as you used to be. I couldn’t imagine life without you, I don’t even want to. But the simple fact is that you are an adult and can take care of yourself.
Unfortunately, when you get home from work you get the worst version of me. I leave the best for our children. And I’ll tell you a little secret: there are days when my best version doesn’t even exist. It just doesn’t exist.
I can’t achieve to take care of your health, the health of our children, pets and my health. What do you think I care least about? It’s not you. Neither are our children nor pets. When I say I don’t feel well, when I say I didn’t sleep, it’s because I didn’t take care of myself. Yes, you are telling me to go to the doctor, eat healthier, drink more water, but I am in the last place.
I know I need to change that and not complain.
I worry about your apnea and allergies. I’m worried about the rash Alex got and Ben’s salivary nose. I also worry about our dog’s ears as well as how much it will cost us to go to the vet. When I think about it, it comes to my mind that the fish have too many algae in the aquarium and that the water should be replaced. Then when I go to bed I just add things that make me feel guilty on the endless list.
None of this is your fault. I don’t blame you, nor do I want you to do anything different.
You do extraordinary things for our family, you work harder and harder than any person I know. You care about everyone, including myself, more than anyone else.
I love you a little more always when I see you helping others without expecting anything in return.
You are the best father to our children and there is indeed a good reason why they sometimes cry when you go to work. Being the biggest role model for them makes me extremely proud.
But I’m not the person you married 11 years ago. I changed and turned into a wife, mother, friend, organizer, cook, housewife, librarian, animator, night-time nanny …
And I wouldn’t change any of that. I would never wish for a different life from this one. I love you and I love the life we have created together. But I’m no longer the spontaneous beer lover and bad girl you used to be. I’m a mother. And that’s all from me.”