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This Guy Uses a “Poop Knife” and Is Shocked When He Finds Out That Other People Don’t!

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That we all need to answer nature’s call from time to time is not a secret, even though there are many taboos around it all. The routines around this subject differ from one person to another, but in general, these are just a few simple steps: to complete the need, to clean oneself and to wash one’s hands.

In any case, that’s what we thought. There is another step between the first and the second step, according to an article on Reddit by the user “LearnedButt”.

We will not spoil the story by explaining more, but let “LearnedButt” describe it in his own words:

“My family poops big. Maybe it’s genetic, maybe it’s our diet, but everyone births giant logs of crap. If anyone has laid a mega-poop, you know that sometimes it won’t flush. It lays across the hole in the bottom of the bowl and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you.

Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife. It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out “hey, can you get me the poop knife”?

I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife.”

“However, when he was 22 years old and was invited to a friend’s house at home, there was a comical scene that he described as:

I look down and see that it’s a sideways one, so I crack the door and call out for my friend. He arrives and I ask him for his poop knife.

“My what?”

Your poop knife, I say. I need to use it. Please.

“Wtf is a poop knife?”

Obviously, he has one, but maybe he calls it by a more delicate name. A fecal cleaver? A Dung divider? A guano glaive? I explain what it is I want and why I want it.

“He starts giggling. Then laughing. Then lots of people start laughing. It turns out, the music stopped and everyone heard my pleas through the door. It also turns out that none of them had poop knives, it was just my fucked up family with their fucked up bowels. FML.”

“I told this to my wife last night, who was amused and horrified at the same time. It turns out that she did not know what a poop knife was and had been using the old rusty knife hanging in the utility closet as a basic utility knife. Thankfully she didn’t cook with it, but used it to open Amazon boxes.”

He also ends his message by answering a question he keeps hearing:

“Common question – Why was this not in the bathroom instead of the laundry room? Answer. We only had one poop knife, and the laundry room was central to all three bathrooms. I have no idea why we didn’t have three poop knives. All I know is that we didn’t. We had the one. Possibly because my father was notoriously cheap about the weirdest things. So yes, we shared our poop knife.”

As we can read, he is very serious about his poop knife, and the idea that no one in his circle of friends had one was very surprising to him.

Have you ever heard of this? Do you think it’s a good idea?

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